Just as anybody, I was absolutely shocked when I heard the news of George Steinbrenner's death. I didn't really know how to react because when you think about it, he is one of the biggest names in sports history.
So during a break I had, I just started writing a short story about how I felt about Steinbrenner's legacy. It's a bit out there, but I felt it was the best thing to do. So here it is, "Steinbrenner's Heaven."
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to heaven!" the voice of God exclaimed in his clear, concise, and correct voice.
All those standing in line before the white pearly gates looked up and around, wondering where that voice came from. Suddenly, one man comes running through the crowd, and begins pushing his way to the front.
"Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!" this man, in his blue sport coat and turtleneck sweater yelled, asserting himself through this line. He makes it to the front, adjusts his hair, and knocks on the gate.
"Hey, open up! It's George!"
The voice of God questions.
"Steinbrenner, dammit! I'm George Steinbrenner, owner of the Yankees! I have 7 World Championships!"
"One moment please."
About a minute passes, and the Voice speaks back up.
"Your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. Please direct your attention to the front of the gate, where we will have a special presentation."
The gate opens, and a short man with a thick mustache comes running out.
"YOU WANT TO FIRE ME? YOU'RE FIRED, BUDDY!"
Steinbrenner looks scared. After a moment, both men begin laughing.
"Billy! I haven't seen you in over 20 years!"
"I know, boss! It's been way too long. 20 years is about what your constant antics took off of my life!"
George looks sorrowful.
"I'm sorry, Martin, honestly. But you only won twice under me, and you know what happens to losers!"
"Yeah, you berate them in the media, almost fire them, reconsider your judgement, then give them a raise within 5 minutes!"
Just then, the gate opens again, and this time, a man with a full-on beard walks out holding catcher's gear.
"THURM!!!" George cried, as they both hugged.
"Geez man, I told you not to fly those planes! We've really missed you down there!"
"I know," Thurman Munson said. "I miss my family and friends. But it was totally worth flying so I could see my family more often."
"I know what you mean."
"Um...listen," Martin interjected. "On behalf of God, we were told to make the decision as to whether you can enter heaven."
George looks puzzled.
"And me, Thurm, Joe D, Mickey, Ellie, Roger, Lidle, Rizzuto, and Murcer, all felt that...
"You don't belong here."
George has a stunned look on his face, and gets down on his knees. Thurman speeks up.
"We have found that your greed, money, and excessive fascination for winning has made you anything but heaven material!"
"Seriously, who are you firing all of us? You took a boy's game and turned it into a business! I grew up playing ball, not George Steinbrenner presents 'The Bronx Zoo!'"
Martin continues, "You are a sham! What about the Dave Winfield debacle? You called the man "Mr. May" at one point because he couldn't hit in the clutch! You called Hideki Irabu a "fat pussy toad" after YOU signed him! You also traded away Jay Buhner! He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs one year! He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doin'!"**
Steinbrenner is crying. "Come on, guys, I did it out of love! I didn't mean any of it! What about all my charities? What about hiring back both Strawberry AND Gooden? How about using my money to create a winning team that makes millions of people entertained?"
Martin and Thurman look at one another and laugh.
George looks berated. "What's so funny?"
"You didn't let us finish!"
Steinbrenner is, once again, puzzled.
"You're not going to be in this heaven," Martin commented. "You're actually going to create a NEW heaven so we can move out of this place!"
"What do you mean?" Steinbrenner asked.
"This heaven is cramped, a bit dull, and kinda smells. After all, it's been around for thousands of years. Sure, we've had some amazing people walk through this place, such as Martin Luther King, Kennedy, Elvis, and even Anna Nicole, as well as some amazing moments like Babe Ruth's 25,000 home runs in one game."
"But come on, we can do better! That's why we decided to recruit you to build a new state-of-the-art heaven with all the newest ammenities!"
"Okay, sure!" Steinbrenner smiled.
"Oh yeah and one more thing," Munson blurted, "PLEASE don't raise the price of hot dogs. They're high enough as it is!"
All the men laugh as Steinbrenner is finally lead through the gates of heaven.
**taken from the very famous Seinfeld episode, "The Caddy."